Life with Pain

My name is Amy and I have Fibromyalgia.

In 2006 after years of testing and referrals, my doctor sent me to a Rheumatologist. I had tested positive for some preliminary Lupus tests so I was sent to this specialist for more tests. Thankfully Lupus was ruled out, along with several other autoimmune diseases, but I was told I had this strange syndrome called Fibromyalgia. I couldn't pronounce it much less explain what it was.

But I started to read and learn as much as I could about this strange disease. A friend who is fighting Crohn's diesease has taught me to listen to my body and don't fight it when I have a flair. Slowly I've been trying to adhere to this advice; but it's hard when I've always been the kind of person to push myself to accomplish more and more and more. Since there is never any outward injuries I almost feel guilty for suffering from pain that I can't explain. I feel like nobody believes me, even those closest to me seem to often question the severity of the pain. I have cut myself and not even known it because that pain doesn't compare to what I deal with on a daily basis, but nobody understands. Nobody except other Fibro sufferers.

Even some in the medical world snicker at this "junk" diagnosis. I have heard some say it doesn't exist and that it's all in our heads, I've been down that road and know that this isn't in my head. What I feel is very very real and I would give anything to be able to snap my fingers and make it go away. Those are the people who think that we are looking for excuses to go onto disablity, again...I am the type of person who takes a tremendous amount of pride in my work and will continue to push myself to accomplish more. I refuse to be added to any statistic that puts me into disablity. No matter how weak my body becomes, my spirit won't allow me to give in. So to those people who are naysayers, I say to them - I wish I had the power to switch places with you for a day...then to see what you had to say about the validity of the pain.

So this is the start of a blog that I hope to share with others that suffer in silence. Those of us who work full time jobs and slip off to the bathroom so nobody sees the wincing and cringing when it becomes overwhelming. Those who refuse to let the pain win, but who definitely lose a day or two in battles.

Today is one of those days for me. I woke up with my skin crawling and the slightest touch brought immediate pain. When I tried to walk, my hip burnt from pain and my knee almost buckled. I had to call in sick, something I hate to do. I spent the day taking pain medication and praying that if I just laid still the pain would subside...and it would for an hour or two, just to return in another location. I hate taking medication, I hate how it slows me down and tires me out. I have tried Lyrica and Cymbalta with no relief. I know there is a new one that I have hopes will be my miracle...but after the others failing, I'm not holding my breath.

Maybe tomorrow will be better...I hope so.